For me, only for me
by Joanne
Summary: Spike looks back over his life with Willow.


Disclaimer: None of the Buffy characters belong to me, they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB and anyone else who has claims on them. The song is sung and written by Macy Gray and it's called 'I Try'. 

Spoilers: One from season 4. 

Staring at the photo, my mind wanders back with ease. Perhaps too easily. I don't know. It was one of those moments when time stands still and you never want it to end. Imprinted in your mind for eternity. 

*Games, changes and fears When will they go from here When will they stop I believe that fate has brought us here And we should be together But we're not.* 

It was the Slayer's wedding, she'd eventually married Angel, his soul was permanent and he had that ring. But you outshone the bride with your red hair cascading down your back in tiny ringlets. For me, only for me. 

*I play it off but i'm dreaming of you I'll keep my cool but i'm fiendin I try to say goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.* 

Your green eyes shining like emeralds. For me, only for me. You were her maid of honour in that cream silk dress, showing off every curve. For me, only for me. Your laughter ringing in the wind, like wind chimes. For me, only for me. 

*Goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.* 

I tried to keep away, I couldn't live up to your expectations, I couldn't give you the world, I couldn't be your light as you were mine. But you brushed my negative thoughts away with kisses and promises. 

*I may appear to be free But i'm just a prisoner of your love I may seem allright and smile when you leave But my smiles are just a front.* 

You reached for my hand, inviting me into your world. We danced, we sang, we played. The love and adoration swimming in your eyes. For me, only for me. 

*I play it off but i'm dreaming of you I'll keep my cool but i'm fiendin I try to say goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.* 

Xander was camera-happy not one moment was to be missed. Every moment to last a lifetime. Our lifetime. We fell to the floor, the grass softening our fall. 

*Goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.* 

As I stared into your eyes, I wanted to hold you, protect you, love you. For you to keep your innocence, your adoration. For me, only for me. As long as you should live. 

*Here is my confession May I be your confession? Boy I need your touch* 

Time stood still. Pure happiness, real happiness. I stand over you now, i'm still the man, the demon that you loved, I was there all along bubbling underneath the surface. I love you, I always loved you, i'll always love you. 

*Your love kisses and such With all my might I try But this I can't deny* 

When you died, I felt so much guilt, guilt for not being there, guilt for what I was, guilt for being guilty. For two years I tried to be the man you saw through your eyes. but i'm not, I wish I was. 

*I play it off but i'm dreaming of you I'll keep my cool but i'm fiendin I try to say goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.* 

I stand before you know for your forgiveness. I admit it, I need you. I have no life without you. I kiss the photo and put it on your grave. The photo, the memory. Your smile greets me. "For me, only for me," I whisper before sticking the stake through my heart. 

*I play it off but i'm dreaming of you I'll keep my cool but i'm fiendin I try to say goodbye and I choke I try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near.* 

You stand before me hand outstretched. "Come with me Spike." I take your hand and follow you into the light as the photo lightly flutters away. 


End file.
